


Day Five: PTSD

by oathkeptroxas



Series: JayRoy Week 2016 [5]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Child Death, Established Relationship, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8502070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: You can't save them all. You just can't.





	

It was always difficult when they lost a child. Realistically they knew that they couldn't save everyone, that loss and bloodshed was par for the course in their line of work. It didn't make it any easier though.

He was so young, and coerced into illegal behaviour in exchange for room and board, beaten into compliance along with several other children who’d been herded by the same monster - for that was no man. But he’d dared to fight back, dared to defy. He was brave, and too young to die.

Roy had apprehended the scum, breaking his nose and bloodying his teeth. Jason had spared him no time, had run straight to the battered child. Roy knew Jason well enough to know that he was compartmentalizing, focusing on the kid so that his anger didn’t get the best of him. He’d be no help to the poor boy if he was consumed by rage - and he knew it would consume him.

The trembling boy blinked slowly up at Jason, as Jay cradled him close, promising that help was coming, that he needed to hold on. The child’s breaths came shallow, his eyes swam with tears and whimpers fell from his split lip. He bled out in Jason’s arms. They’d been too late. There was nothing they could’ve done.

Roy stood immobile, struggling to swallow around the lump in his throat. His chest pinched tight and he closed his eyes against the scene before him. He couldn't think.

Jason recovered quicker. He laid the boy’s body down gently and rose to his feet. His head snapped to the culprit, his grief igniting to fury. Before Roy could react, he was across the room.

The monster responsible was on the ground, Jason’s fist swinging down with great force, over and over, until he was bloody, unrecognizable. Until Jay’s knuckles were split open, the punches rained down. Like a moment suspended in time, Roy watched frozen and horrified, frightened of the lines Jason would cross, and ashamed of himself for thinking the man deserved what Jason would do if Roy didn't _do something_. 

Roy didn’t condone killing, not under any circumstances. Who you are and the legacy you leave is often defined by where you draw your line, by the limits you set. Jason didn’t share that sentiment, but he’d been getting better, had become less volatile in the time they’d been together. Roy liked to think he’d helped somehow. But there was nothing that sent Jason over the edge quicker than children.

Finally recollecting himself in time to stop Jason from delivering the final blow, Roy hooked his arms under Jason’s, curling his hands up around the front of Jay’s shoulders. His boyfriend thrashed, kicked out and tried to throw Roy off, snarling obscenities and spitting at the man on the floor, whose face was a mangled mess. Roy stood his ground, trying to calm Jason with soothing words and a firm hold.

“It won’t change anything. I know it hurts. I know it’s hard, but this isn’t the way. It won’t make it better,” Roy murmured.

“It sure as fuck won’t make it worse!” Jason hissed.

Roy squeezed him tighter. “Jay, let’s just go home, okay? The authorities will be here any second, and when they show up, we’ll take off. We’ve done all we can. He’s never gonna hurt anyone ever again.”

Jason slumped a little, but Roy wasn’t naive enough to free him just yet. Jason sneered down at the bloodied heap of a man. “Not so fucking tough against someone who can fight back, are you?”

*

Jason was still shaking when they got back to the safehouse. Wordlessly Roy led him to the kitchen, where he hastily received a first aid kit to tend to Jason’s busted knuckles. Jason’s head was bowed, his brow furrowed, and Roy knew that whatever he was thinking, it wasn’t good.

“He knew, y’know? He knew you tried to save him. He knew you were there,” Roy ventured.

“Don’t,” Jason stated flatly.

“That matters, Jaybird. You didn’t let him die alone. You cared.”

“Roy, _please_.” He begged.

He knew better than to push Jay before he was ready, he’d taken so many baby steps in their relationship thus far, after all. Slowly, gently, he placed a hand under Jason’s chin to tilt his head up. “How about we take a hot bath, okay? Jay, you’re stressed and it’s taking it’s toll on you,” Roy murmured. “I’m worried.”

Jason stepped back, forced Roy to drop his hand from his face, but he nodded. Roy counted that as a win. Reaching out to briefly squeeze Jay’s hand, Roy headed to the bathroom.

They sat together in the large tub, Jason laid between Roy’s thighs, his head tucked into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. There was nothing sexual about it, just a comfortable intimacy, a warmth and safety that came with the closeness. The water was almost too hot, just the way Jason liked it, and Roy twined his fingers in Jay’s hair softly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Roy asked casually. Jason shook his head the tiniest fraction, Roy kissed his temple, and that was it. They didn’t talk about it. Roy had to trust that Jason would come to him when he was ready, no pushing.

That night was hard. Jason lay beside Roy with his back to him, tension in every line of his body. Roy bit his lip, concerned but unwilling to smother Jason when his attention wasn’t wanted. But, they always slept close. Roy always wrapped an arm around Jay and buried his face in the younger man’s nape. It felt wrong, cold to have the space between them, it felt like Jason was miles away instead of across the mattress, he guessed that mentally, he was.

At some point, after too long of his brain working a mile a minute to find ways to help his partner, Roy managed to find sleep, though it was fitful. It was the early hours of the morning, dawn just breaking on the horizon when Jason stirred. Roy looked over, his heart clenching at the pained whimpers that fell from Jason’s lips.

*

There were blood splatters, the harsh clang of metal to the concrete floor, the empty expression of a woman he’d wanted to love him, the sick, sinister grin of the devil in human form, and the glaring red of blinking digits as they counted down to the end. This nightmare wasn’t new. It wasn’t a nightmare at all. It wasn’t surprising that this painful reminder of his own mortality would plague him after the day’s events. He should’ve seen this coming.

*

Jason thrashed in his sleep, and his breath hitched a little. Roy couldn’t listen to it anymore, his heart shredded to pieces in the face of his boyfriend’s suffering. Carefully, he reached a hand out to cup Jay’s shoulder.

Jason’s bolted upright, his head snapping up, his wide, terrified eyes searched every inch of the space. Finally they fell on the alarm clock on the bedside, he sat frozen and Roy didn’t understand why Jason was suddenly gasping for breath and crying. Roy desperately waved a hand in front of Jason's face, anything to bring him back, but he was trained on those red numbers, and he was hyperventilating.

“Jay? Baby? _Jason!_ ” Roy begged to no avail. Panicked, Roy grasped the offending clock and hurled it across the room. He grasped Jason’s shoulders softly and shook him a little. “Come back to me. Come on,” he murmured, mostly to himself.

Finally, Jason blinked and focused on Roy’s face. He seemed bewildered, as if unaware that he’d even awoken, was oblivious to the wetness on his face. Gently, Roy wiped away the remaining tears with the pad of his thumb. “Roy?” He asked, as if unsure.

“Yeah, sweetheart, it’s me. Are you okay? You scared me.” Roy whispered, leaning in to kiss Jason’s forehead.

“Sorry,” Jay mumbled.

“Don’t be sorry. You don’t ever have to be sorry.” Roy pulled him in a little now that he seemed stable. Jason slumped into Roy’s chest, and pillowed his head above his boyfriend’s steady heartbeat.

Softly, in a sleep-gruff but warm voice, Roy began to sing. Jason couldn’t understand the words, but recognized it as a comfort blanket, a Navajo lullaby that Roy had sung countless times before. Roy gently ran his hands through Jason’s unruly hair as he continued to croon, and blessedly Jay found sleep again, unplagued this time around.

**Author's Note:**

> Roy is singing 'Shii Na-Sha'.


End file.
